After quite a few hours of arduous research, I'm pleased to announce that my new ebook, called "7 Signs of Infidelity", will be available very soon... in fact, I'm releasing it next Monday. If you think you've seen signs of infidelity, but you know you want to save your marriage, you're definitely going to want to read this ebook. (By the way, you won't have to pay a cent for it - I'm giving it away.)
In this special report, you'll find out the 7 surest signs of infidelity... as well as how to detect these signs. You'll also discover how to confront your spouse about the infidelity in a way that will maximize your marriage's odds of surviving an affair.
If you're already suspecting infidelity... please don't do anything until you get a chance to read this ebook. I'm sorry that it won't be available for a few more days... but if you can hang in there just a bit longer, it will be worth the wait. By the time you're done reading it, you'll know exactly what to do to get your spouse to end the affair - willingly - and focus on making your marriage stronger and happier!
Please bookmark this site, and stop back by on May 18 to download "7 Signs of Infidelity". Your marriage is worth waiting just a bit longer!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Marriage After Infidelity – Can It Ever Be the Same?
It’s hard to fathom the difficulty of dealing with marriage after infidelity until you’re standing face to face with the challenge. The partner who cheated turned the marriage upside down, and you both are left trying to make sense of it all.
Often, couples coping with infidelity concentrate on trying to make the marriage what it was before the affair happened. It’s easy to get caught up in reminiscing about life before the affair –w hen life was simpler, and your marriage was happy.
The fact is, though, your marriage – and your life – will never be the same. You just can’t put back the way things were… and you can’t pretend that the affair never happened. Trying to get back the same life you had together will just end up frustrating you both, because no matter how hard you try, the distrust is still there. Your present life together is tainted by the affair.
So can there really be such a thing as a happy marriage after infidelity? Yes! However, you will have to think in terms of redefining your marriage, instead of restoring it. Essentially, the two of you will be starting over.
The best way to cope with infidelity is to treat the relationship as if the two of you had just gotten married. You will be getting to know each other all over again. You’re building a second phase of your marriage!
It sounds strange, but it works. Not only that, it can lead to a marriage that is happier than ever before. With the “fresh start” approach, you’ll find out things about your spouse that you never knew, and vice versa. You’ll probably even find out a few things about yourself along the way.
If you’re in a marriage struggling with surviving infidelity, don’t give up hope. You can start over and you can build a new life together. You just need the motivation and the tools to succeed. You’ll have to supply the motivation, but there is a resource that can give you a step by step plan – it’s called Save the Marriage, and it’s helped thousands of couples just like you who are navigating marriage after infidelity.
Often, couples coping with infidelity concentrate on trying to make the marriage what it was before the affair happened. It’s easy to get caught up in reminiscing about life before the affair –w hen life was simpler, and your marriage was happy.
The fact is, though, your marriage – and your life – will never be the same. You just can’t put back the way things were… and you can’t pretend that the affair never happened. Trying to get back the same life you had together will just end up frustrating you both, because no matter how hard you try, the distrust is still there. Your present life together is tainted by the affair.
So can there really be such a thing as a happy marriage after infidelity? Yes! However, you will have to think in terms of redefining your marriage, instead of restoring it. Essentially, the two of you will be starting over.
The best way to cope with infidelity is to treat the relationship as if the two of you had just gotten married. You will be getting to know each other all over again. You’re building a second phase of your marriage!
It sounds strange, but it works. Not only that, it can lead to a marriage that is happier than ever before. With the “fresh start” approach, you’ll find out things about your spouse that you never knew, and vice versa. You’ll probably even find out a few things about yourself along the way.
If you’re in a marriage struggling with surviving infidelity, don’t give up hope. You can start over and you can build a new life together. You just need the motivation and the tools to succeed. You’ll have to supply the motivation, but there is a resource that can give you a step by step plan – it’s called Save the Marriage, and it’s helped thousands of couples just like you who are navigating marriage after infidelity.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Surviving Infidelity - Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?
Of all the problems marriage can endure, an affair is one of the most challenging. Surviving infidelity is often the hardest thing that a couple could ever deal with. Cheating brings with it a host of very strong emotions - both for the innocent spouse and the cheating spouse. The marital problems can boil over very fast if the two of you don't address the affair right away!
How do you know if your surviving infidelity is even a possibility? After all, infidelity is the cause of more divorces than just about any other issue. How can your marriage survive where so many others have failed?
Well, any marriage can survive infidelity, but it will be quite a bit easier if you if your spouse:
- told you about the affair voluntarily, instead of making you find out on your own.
- was honest with you about the details of the affair.
- is truly sorry that he or she had the affair.
- has agreed to end the affair, or has already ended it.
- has agreed to work with you to rebuild your relationship.
Even if your spouse has done all of these things, restoring your marriage without relationship help will be quite difficult. One of the most effective resources is a course called Save the Marriage - it's helped thousands of couples with surviving infidelity.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Surviving Infidelity: How do Affairs Begin?
When you're in a marriage struggling to survive infidelity, it might seem odd to think about why affairs start in the first place. But this is an important part of surviving infidelity. Knowing how affairs start gives you the understanding to know how to put your marriage back together - especially if your cheating spouse isn't on board with the idea yet.
Most of think that affairs begin when some dashing young man or slinky, beautiful woman enters our spouse's life. We conjure up images of seduction, intrigue, and mystery; we think the other person could have any partner he or she wants, but has targeted your spouse.
In reality, it's rarely - if ever - how it works. The "other person" is far more likely to be an old friend, a co-worker, or a friend-of a friend than a dashing Cassanova.
And most of the time, things don't start out with the intention of igniting an affair. Quite the contrary, an affair usually starts innocently - a water cooler conversation, a lunch break, a walk down to the corner Starbucks for coffee. No big deal - friends, even those of the opposite sex, do all of those things every day without ending up in an affair.
So why do these friendships sometimes evolve into affairs?
This is not going to be pleasant to hear... but most affairs start because one spouse feels that he or she is not having a need met by the other spouse. This doesn't necessarily mean a sexual need (although this can certainly be the case) - more often, it's a more emotional need. Your spouse may feel like her opinions are not being valued, or that he is not being listened to. Another person fills that need, however innocently, and that sows the seed for misplaced affection.
You may be saying to yourself, "I listen to my husband", or "I value my wife's opinion". I don't doubt that in your eyes, this is true. There is an old saying that in marriage, there are three sides to every story - his side, her side, and the truth. Your spouse may not be entirely accurate in what he or she feels... but the important thing here is that it is what he or she feels. The truth doesn't really matter that much. Not right now, anyway.
So the feeling (perception) becomes reality for your spouse... and he or she harbors resentment that eventually leads to being open to an affair.
Now, you might think I'm saying that the affair is all your fault. That's not the case at all. See, because you likely think you are meeting your spouse's needs, there is another facet to the problem. Your spouse, although his or her need was not being met, failed to adequately communicate this need. Your spouse probably didn't want to hurt your feelings, or wanted to believe it was no big deal, or didn't want to "rock the boat"... but the end result was that you didn't have the full opportunity to learn to meet that need.
Both you and your spouse had a hand in the circumstances that led to the affair - I've never seen a relationship where both partners weren't partially to blame. And at the core of the problem is the failure of both partners to be blatantly honest with one another.
What would have happened if your spouse had been honest with you about the aspect of your marriage that wasn't fulfilling? Would you have ignored it? Probably not. On the flip side, do you always make an honest effort to find and correct issues that can lead to marriage problems (including infidelity)? Doubtful. Few of us are that relationship-savvy.
So why is all of this important to successfully coping with infidelity? In short, it's because if you want to have any hope of surviving infidelity, you are going to have to change the "honesty" dynamic in your marriage. You are going to have to demonstrate that change is possible, particularly if your spouse has given up on your relationship.
Showing that change is possible, and that you are willing to learn to meet your spouse's needs, makes the strength and importance of the affair simply fade away. If you can fulfull your spouse's needs, why would he or she need the "other person" any longer?
The "honesty" dynamic will also need to change because you're going to build a relationship that is stronger and more fulfilling than ever before. It's not enough to just put things back the way they were... to get back your unfaithful wife or cheating husband, you're going to need to show that the two of you can reach a new level of happiness. And transparency and honesty are the keys to that happiness.
For more tips and strategies to help you with surviving infidelity and putting your marriage back together, check back often. In the meantime, I recommend checking out Save the Marriage - it's a fast-track course for ending your spouse's affair, getting your spouse interested in your marriage, and developing a relationship that is stronger and better than ever.
Most of think that affairs begin when some dashing young man or slinky, beautiful woman enters our spouse's life. We conjure up images of seduction, intrigue, and mystery; we think the other person could have any partner he or she wants, but has targeted your spouse.
In reality, it's rarely - if ever - how it works. The "other person" is far more likely to be an old friend, a co-worker, or a friend-of a friend than a dashing Cassanova.
And most of the time, things don't start out with the intention of igniting an affair. Quite the contrary, an affair usually starts innocently - a water cooler conversation, a lunch break, a walk down to the corner Starbucks for coffee. No big deal - friends, even those of the opposite sex, do all of those things every day without ending up in an affair.
So why do these friendships sometimes evolve into affairs?
This is not going to be pleasant to hear... but most affairs start because one spouse feels that he or she is not having a need met by the other spouse. This doesn't necessarily mean a sexual need (although this can certainly be the case) - more often, it's a more emotional need. Your spouse may feel like her opinions are not being valued, or that he is not being listened to. Another person fills that need, however innocently, and that sows the seed for misplaced affection.
You may be saying to yourself, "I listen to my husband", or "I value my wife's opinion". I don't doubt that in your eyes, this is true. There is an old saying that in marriage, there are three sides to every story - his side, her side, and the truth. Your spouse may not be entirely accurate in what he or she feels... but the important thing here is that it is what he or she feels. The truth doesn't really matter that much. Not right now, anyway.
So the feeling (perception) becomes reality for your spouse... and he or she harbors resentment that eventually leads to being open to an affair.
Now, you might think I'm saying that the affair is all your fault. That's not the case at all. See, because you likely think you are meeting your spouse's needs, there is another facet to the problem. Your spouse, although his or her need was not being met, failed to adequately communicate this need. Your spouse probably didn't want to hurt your feelings, or wanted to believe it was no big deal, or didn't want to "rock the boat"... but the end result was that you didn't have the full opportunity to learn to meet that need.
Both you and your spouse had a hand in the circumstances that led to the affair - I've never seen a relationship where both partners weren't partially to blame. And at the core of the problem is the failure of both partners to be blatantly honest with one another.
What would have happened if your spouse had been honest with you about the aspect of your marriage that wasn't fulfilling? Would you have ignored it? Probably not. On the flip side, do you always make an honest effort to find and correct issues that can lead to marriage problems (including infidelity)? Doubtful. Few of us are that relationship-savvy.
So why is all of this important to successfully coping with infidelity? In short, it's because if you want to have any hope of surviving infidelity, you are going to have to change the "honesty" dynamic in your marriage. You are going to have to demonstrate that change is possible, particularly if your spouse has given up on your relationship.
Showing that change is possible, and that you are willing to learn to meet your spouse's needs, makes the strength and importance of the affair simply fade away. If you can fulfull your spouse's needs, why would he or she need the "other person" any longer?
The "honesty" dynamic will also need to change because you're going to build a relationship that is stronger and more fulfilling than ever before. It's not enough to just put things back the way they were... to get back your unfaithful wife or cheating husband, you're going to need to show that the two of you can reach a new level of happiness. And transparency and honesty are the keys to that happiness.
For more tips and strategies to help you with surviving infidelity and putting your marriage back together, check back often. In the meantime, I recommend checking out Save the Marriage - it's a fast-track course for ending your spouse's affair, getting your spouse interested in your marriage, and developing a relationship that is stronger and better than ever.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Welcome to Surviving Infidelity
No matter who cheated, surviving infidelity is one of the greatest challenges a marriage can face. Infidelity brings a swirl of negative emotions - anger, hatred, guilt, sadness - that completely take over a relationship. It's only normal that these emotions are so powerful - after all, years (or even decades) of trust have been destroyed.
For many couples, infidelity marks the end of a relationship. But it doesn't have to be that way. Even if your spouse is the one who cheated, and isn't ready to end the affair, you can still take steps to make your spouse commit to the marriage again. And if you're the one who cheated, there are ways you can restore your spouse's trust in you - even if you've cheated more than once!
One of the best resources I can recommend for couples dealing with cheating issues is Save the Marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom. I've recommended this course to many couples, and many of them have ended up surviving infidelity and re-developing their relationships.
If you want to get past your marriage's infidelity issues and get back on track, Save the Marriage is well worth a look. It costs less than a nice dinner, and it can help you quickly restore your marriage - even if your partner isn't ready. Surviving infidelity takes a lot of work, but I've found this is the best resource to help you get there.
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